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Is My Fear > My Vulnerability?

2 Corinthians 12:9 NRSV "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

 

I look at my computer screen, noticing six pages of attendees in the Zoom gallery of the writer's workshop. I smile as I page through each window, seeing beloved friends, adored colleagues, and actual published writers. My smile fades as imposter syndrome worms its way through me, my fingers itching to hit the leave button, my heart filling with dread, doubt hammering my thoughts: "What am I doing here?" "I'm not a writer!" "I'm not good enough for this."

 

I want to leave, to reclaim my Saturday afternoon, to close the door on this dream of writing as easily as closing my browser window. I waver for a long moment. Then I stay. I learn. I participate. At some point during those two plus hours, I decide that I would rather fail spectacularly chasing my dream than close my browser window and pretend that dream doesn't exist.

 

I may fail this time. And the next. And the time after that. I may never write anything of any significance at all. But God isn't counting my failures or my inadequacies. If I am bold enough to put myself out there, God can use my failures and inadequacies to encourage someone else. Maybe my vulnerability is greater than my fear!

 

Prayer: Holy One, when we struggle, when we doubt, when we don't think we are or will ever be enough, may we hear You reminding us that your power is made perfect in our weakness. May our vulnerability be greater than our fear.

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